An Introvert's Guide to Surviving Social Gatherings

Aug. 8 2022 |

Do you feel like you’re the only one in the world who finds social gatherings stressful? Do you wish there was a secret handshake, a universal code, or a super-specific trick to make these things less nerve-wracking? If so, you’re not the only one who tends to feel this way.

Social gatherings can be stressful for introverts. These gatherings are usually chock-full of people, noise, and a lot of unplanned personal interactions. There's not much room for introverts to recharge and regroup--and without the right support, they may struggle to maintain composure throughout an event. Here’s how you can survive a social gathering so you can leave the day feeling fulfilled but not exhausted.

Strategize before you arrive

Before you go to an event, think through what you want to get out of it. What do you want to accomplish? What do you hope to learn? What do you hope to experience? Once you have a clearer picture of what you want out of an event, you can use that information to strategically plan your outing.

You might want to scope out the location of the event you're attending before you go so that you can get familiar with the layout. Get a feel for how many people will be in the space, and how they'll be interacting (e.g., is it a small gathering, or will people be mingling while standing or sitting? Is there music playing?)

Before you enter the space, take a moment to shut down your phone and put away any other disruptive devices. This will help you stay in the moment and avoid checking social media or other distracting sites. If you need to check your phone for legitimate reasons, try to keep a small portion of it dedicated to non-distracting tasks like taking notes or following a schedule.

Don’t feel like you have to make small talk

Introverts are often happy to engage in deep or intellectual conversations, but they often don’t enjoy small talk. Introverts tend to process information at their own pace, and they often don’t want to feel rushed or as though they’re expected to answer questions before they’re ready. Unfortunately, many social events place a huge emphasis on superficial conversations. You can’t help but feel like you’re failing if you don’t know the right things to say.

If you don’t feel comfortable engaging in small talk, you don’t have to do it. Although it's encouraged that you make small talk with people you approach or that approach you, don't feel obligated to do so. 

If you know you generally feel anxious during social gatherings, these few tips can help.

1. Plan ahead – It's important to prepare for the party in advance and to have a backup plan if things don't go well. Think about what you can do in case your anxiety levels rise too high, like leaving early if needed or going home when you need to relax. If there's something that makes you feel particularly anxious at social gatherings, do something else before going out. Instead of skipping dinner and heading straight for the party, go for a walk around town and clear your head before joining in on the festivities.

2. Avoid alcohol – Alcohol is often prescribed to ease anxiety at parties, but it can actually make the situation worse in some cases. So, if you’re feeling anxious and want to enjoy a drink later on during the party, try having one with non-alcoholic options like sparkling water or juice instead of wine or beer.

3. Don't be afraid of conversation – Instead of avoiding having conversations, like introverts are naturally prone to doing, try finding common ground with your conversation partner and see where it might lead. You don't have to respond right away; rather, take your time and think about what they've said before responding so nothing seems rude or awkward. 

4. Have a backup plan – Sometimes people cope with social anxiety by retreating from the party. If this is your go-to strategy for coping with the stress of social gatherings, be sure you have an escape route planned in case things get too much for you during the event.

5. Don't try to be someone you're not. If you're feeling anxious and uncomfortable at a party, it's important to remember once again that there's no need to force yourself to talk with other people. It can be liberating to just enjoy the company of your friends without worrying about what you should say or how you'll act.

If all else fails, leave early! As much as possible, avoid staying out past 1:00am because this will increase your chance of feeling overwhelmed by getting too tired for conversation later on. 

Social events can be a lot of work for introverts, and they may feel like they're on their own when it comes to dealing with them, but they're not. With a little preparation, introverts can handle social gatherings just as well as anyone else. And they can do so with far less drama and hassle.